The Move

It was several months before we were finally able to leave.

Around Thanksgiving time, my mother took a fall, and broke her clavicle. I was ready to load up the kids and head down to be with her at that time. I had to wait, though, until we had the tax refund money....so, it was February before we could actually head for my folks' place.

So, we spent basically the next 4 years, sleeping in a small RV in their back yard, homeschooling the kids and helping my folks with things which with they needed help. And we found a wonderful little church family. For the first time ever, my older two kids had friends, and felt accepted and loved by those outside the family.

We found good diabetes care for Jen, too. As she moved deeper into her teen years, though, her blood sugars became more like a roller coaster than ever!! So did her moods!! :-p

We just continue with this journey, battle, whatever....

The nightmare

Frankly, I don't remember much of the next 9 days....only that I found it hard to eat or sleep. We had to go to court during that time.

I felt so alone; and it seemed like everyone was blaming me for all of this. Nearly everyone, in the town who knew me, and people at church, seemed to have the attitude that "Oh, Wendy got what she deserved!" And they seemed to be just waiting for me to fall apart, go insane, end up in the psych ward, or something like that.

But I spent the whole time praying, asking God for strength...and just plain relying on Him. I was determined to prove everyone wrong....I was not going to fall apart, I was not going to allow the evil one to get me down!!

It was hard, not knowing where my kids were; not knowing if they were okay. Then the day we went to court, the social worker told me that the kids would be coming home the next day, because Steven had been bitten by one of the other little boys there; and that Jen was refusing to eat or take her insulin!!!--And they had accused me of abuse and neglect???? Two days later, they were finally brought home to me!!

I hugged them soooooooooo tightly!! I will never, ever forget the look on Steven's face when he saw me! He had such a puzzled look, which seemed to say: "Mommy, where have you been? Why didn't you come get us sooner? Why didn't you save us from going through all this?"--Even now, it brings tears to my eyes, remembering.

That evening when we gave him his bath, we saw the numerous bite marks all over his back and bottom! Next day we took him to the attorney's office, and the took photos. (But they never, ever brought it up in court!! Never showed the judge those photos!!)

It was so good to have my kids back. But it still felt like we were on this journey alone, no support from the community, nor from those at church.

Altogether, we had to go to court four different times. Once, my mom even flew up from Kansas City, to testify on my behalf. Our last court date was in June. And I know the social worker and all the others were watching our every move. I knew they would continue. So, we began making plans to move away.

The Cure For Diabetes?

The Cure For Diabetes?

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Continuing Journey

We had to continue learning about diabetes and its care--and, frankly, I suspect we will be learning for the rest of our lives on this earth! But the attitudes of some of the people who were supposed to be teaching us were less than desirable. They treated me like I was unintelligent. The doctor even went so far as to write in his report that I didn't have the intellectual capability to learn to care for my daughter!

One day, toward the end of February (barely 6 weeks after diagnosis!), the public health nurse showed up at my house with the local social worker--making all kinds of false accusations. They showed up in the middle of our school day, right when I was getting ready to fix lunch. I suffer from hypoglycemia sometimes; if I get too hungry, my head hurts, and feel somewhat fuzzy-brained. The stress of their arrival exaggerated my symptoms, and they certainly were not being sympathetic or understanding at all.

They seemed to think we had missed three days of insulin!! They kept saying things like, "You know, she can die without her insulin--and in just a few days!" First of all, if she really had missed three days worth of insulin, would she be acting as in good health as she was?????? They kept making these accusations, but never told me what they were based on!--And, believe me, she never went three days without her insulin. She missed maybe one or two doses--because she flat out refused to take it! But never three days!

They finally left, with threats to be back, and saying they would remove the children from my home if "things didn't improve"! Talk about a nightmare! Talk about increasing the stress I was already under!

Well, a few days later, Steven got sick. He was vomiting, not able to keep anything down. It reminded me too much of when Jennifer was in ketoacidosis; so we checked his blood sugar--and it was high. So, I called the doctor's office, to see what they thought I should do; could this be onset of diabetes?

They told me to bring him in. Well, I couldn't, because my husband had the car. So I called a friend, to see if she could take us. About the time she arrived, the nurse and social worker showed up. We all went to the doctor's office. The general practitioner (who didn't really have much experience with Type 1 diabetes anyway) called another physician with more experience. They didn't think it was diabetes, really, but wanted him to stay in the hospital overnight for observation.

My husband wasn't home that night, so I had to send the other kids home with a friend. The next morning she brought them in. We waited and waited and waited for Steven to be discharged. A little background on Steven, he has some developmental delays--and at that time, a lady was coming to our home weekly to do therapy with him. She was scheduled to come that day.--But here I am, at the hospital still with my children.

Finally, I ran home, to let her know where I was. She went back to the hospital with me. And we waited some more.

Suddenly, I saw the doctor, the nurse, the social worker and a police officer coming down the hall!! My heart stopped!!! The police officer stayed just outside the door, while the women came in--and told me they were taking all four of the children away!!

I screamed, "NO!!!" The police officer stepped into the room then. The therapist stood there beside me, her jaw fallen to the floor. I grabbed my kids, squeezed them, told them I loved them, cried. I clung to Steven (he wasn't even two years old yet--and was still nursing!!). I told them they couldn't possibly take him! He was still nursing, and needed me!!!

They insisted. But I refused to hand him over to them!! I gave him to Timothy, my oldest, and told him to take good care of him, and his other siblings. Poor Timothy! He was only 12 1/2 at the time! What a heavy burden for him to bear!

After they walked out, I fell on Kathy's shoulders and sobbed my heart out! I felt like I was going to die! I couldn't breathe!!

And I can't write any more right now. I will have to write more later; my heart is still bruised and sore........

The Emotions at the Beginning

Sometime I might let Jennifer post her own initial thoughts and feelings, but for now, I will post mine.

Of course, I felt shock! I also felt disbelief which led to feelings of denial. This couldn't be true, this couldn't really be happening! They must have made a mistake! There must be some other reason for having such high blood sugar, etc. Maybe her pancreas has a tumor, or something like that! Maybe if I just ignore it, it will go away!

But it didn't! And it won't! And it never takes a vacation! So neither can we!

Where did it come from? Could it have been prevented? What did I do wrong? Did I do something wrong while I was pregnant with her? Why did this disease choose my beautiful, perfect little girl? Is it genetic? Will her brothers end up with it (so far, no!)?

Then we began hearing about various members of my dad's family who have diabetes, either Type 1 or Type 2. My dad is one, with Type 2. And since Jennifer's diagnosis, one of my cousin's children was also diagnosed with Type 1.

Sometimes anger sets in. And weariness. Even total exhaustion! And it has felt like a battle that Jennifer and I fight alone, without support or assistance from my husband. He made no attempts to learn about diabetes, nor its care. There was not much understanding from friends in the little town we lived in or the church we attended there.

But time marches on........

Our Journey Began

Our journey began in January, 2004. It is hard to believe we are quickly approaching 4 years of being on this roller coaster!

Jennifer had been sick for a few days--vomitting, not able to keep even water down. I was growing concerned that she was getting dehydrated! We took her in to the ER in the tiny town in which we lived. They checked her urine, discovered she was kicking out ketones. They checked her blood sugar; it was over 500! Then they stuck her in an ambulance and sent her to a larger town, 60 miles away.

I will never forget how she looked! She looked at me, but it was like she didn't know who I was, where she was, maybe even who she was!! Her eyes were huge and sunken, her skin greyish. She was one sick little girl!!

We spent the next 5 days in the hospital together, she and I, taking a crash course in diabetes care. It was a challenge, since I had 3 boys to care for as well. My little guy was only a year and a half, and still nursing!

Thus we began the ups and downs..........